Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
