Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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