woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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