i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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