they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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