But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
