Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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