Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
