people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
