My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
