Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
