There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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