I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
