Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
