trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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