She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
