Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
