The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
