It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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