she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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