Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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