Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
