just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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