Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
