Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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