You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
