The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
