fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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