I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
