Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
