Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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