I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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