nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
