No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
