sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
