So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
