My hand turned me down
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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