So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
