I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
