Welp...herpes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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