I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
