Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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