I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
