he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
