I never want to see another naked old woman again.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
