Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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