sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
