Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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