She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
