elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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