Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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