I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You made out with two different species that night
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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