im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
