PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
