he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
