Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
