o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
